Why I left social media

Heads up: I used way too many words. Also: Photos of a spider eating its prey.

One of the first warning signs that my life energy is running critically low—and that burnout is impending—is that it becomes difficult for me to think my own thoughts.

I was born into a high-control religion. As all high-control religions do, I was taught that our belief system was the only Truth, that Truth and our version of God were one and the same.

I was also taught that True Freedom was the ability to live according to that belief system.

True Freedom for Susanna was the ability to think and do as Susanna was told that Susanna must think and do as a woman. Only God could grant this ability to Susanna, and men of God were ordained to explain Susanna’s responsibilities to her.

Susanna must not trust herself or her thoughts. The Bible told her so: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” (Proverbs 3:5-6 NKJV)

Diverging from this path meant censure by those inside the faith who believe that those who die outside the faith deserve to be condemned, cast out, and tortured by fire without ceasing for eternity.

It turns out that next to nothing about me was suited to that path. Some people find their faith to be a source of hope or comfort. For me? Trying with all my heart to think and act counter to my internal knowing eventually led me to mental and emotional breakdown.

To craft a life that supports me in being well, I need to stay in touch with my intuition.

This past winter, with my life energy at low tide, I began to resent social media. Even as carefully curated as my feed was, it felt to me like I was thinking other people’s thoughts too much of the time; they were like white noise interfering with my ability to hear my intuition. This was my warning, and I paid it heed.

There are other reasons.

I tend to go all in. This is one reason I ended up with two hundred fifty-seven children.

I prefer to interact with people one to one or in small groups.

Sorting through my feed to decide what was worth closer attention and what wasn’t took mental energy.

I already have significant focus issues. Social media began to feel like being jerked around at the whims of others who don't necessarily have my best interests at heart.

Having it there as a handy means of dissociation made it too easy to avoid activities I find valuable but difficult.

Knowing the personal business of so many others began to feel like obligation to either respond appropriately or ignore, neither of which felt good.

The mere fact that I felt so tied to it that it was difficult to walk away? Also did not feel good.

The predominant content of my feed was in some way related to trauma healing. Training wheels are great until they get in the way.

I want to spend less time in my head about life and more time being present in my body, in my life.

I needed to set boundaries to protect my access to my inner knowing.

The absence of social media from my days has created spaciousness I needed.

No regrets.