Thank you for this! So many interesting things to ponder in this post. I wonder if the difference between the romantic and friendship bond is the subconscious expectation that a romantic relationship creates "family" rather than a circle of friends, and as such we bring in all of the baggage we have about the way family felt for so many of us. Also, "family" is "for better or for worse", meaning it is a social structure that will carry us through times when we are not able to be good friends (sickness, trauma, overwhelm) and the relationship becomes "one-way" instead of "mutual". The moment romance enters a relationship, all of those unspoken expectations kick in and we drop a type of "mask" that we wear for the rest of the world, including our friends. Just some thoughts ...
Yeah, I’m feeling these vibes. What is with that “don’t want to ruin it” thing? What is the name of that responsibility, obligation thing that happens in a romantic relationship?
I feel this post deeply. And my partner and I are in that phase of readjusting our relationship and it feels like shit and I am so tired. Hoping we can get to the other side and be friends with mutual respect and admiration.
“I already know how I want my relationships to feel, because my life is an abundance of the kind of love that feels to me like genuine love.”
This was a really complicated text overall and was mostly perspective which was cool to read, but this bit i feel contradicts the rest, because it kind of says that if others know the love they want to feel, they continue to look for it, they’re love might not be ‘pure’ like the genuine love that you feel, this statement reflects the fact that everyone has their own genuine love, and that some people want more than others— they crave it, need it. And I think that shows why unhealthy love can be brewed. Many can agree what healthy and unhealthy love is but in the mind of the person wanting love no words can speak to them, seeing as they want love and not words— and their love has no words, not as in awed and speechless. But as in silent and destructive.
I know that I feel respect as love. I feel the absence of self-interest as love. I feel celebration and support of my agency and autonomy as love. I feel wholehearted acceptance as love. Among other qualities. I know these may not resonate with others, but they are essential for me to feel genuinely loved.
yes!! i agree with these in most scenarios and i think they’re important values, i think love is just so complicated as a thing and you can name hundreds— thousands of contradicting things that different people will say make them feel loved, and that contradiction is what makes love so hard to put a real definition to, so you just have to make your own, even if it’s contradictory at times, it’s your definition, and your interpretation of love as you feel it
what we offer and what we give will always be a balance that’s unpaid— but unlike a debt it is not here to be collected, but moreso as a reminder that equality in emotion doesn’t reflect equality in congnizance
PS i love being poetic with others this is so nice
Thank you for this! So many interesting things to ponder in this post. I wonder if the difference between the romantic and friendship bond is the subconscious expectation that a romantic relationship creates "family" rather than a circle of friends, and as such we bring in all of the baggage we have about the way family felt for so many of us. Also, "family" is "for better or for worse", meaning it is a social structure that will carry us through times when we are not able to be good friends (sickness, trauma, overwhelm) and the relationship becomes "one-way" instead of "mutual". The moment romance enters a relationship, all of those unspoken expectations kick in and we drop a type of "mask" that we wear for the rest of the world, including our friends. Just some thoughts ...
Ooooh excellent considerations! Adding them into the mix!
Oh, hell fucking yeah!!! I'm Maria Thompson Corley and I approve this message!!
No words! 🤌🏻🤣👏🏻
😁
Yeah, I’m feeling these vibes. What is with that “don’t want to ruin it” thing? What is the name of that responsibility, obligation thing that happens in a romantic relationship?
I feel this post deeply. And my partner and I are in that phase of readjusting our relationship and it feels like shit and I am so tired. Hoping we can get to the other side and be friends with mutual respect and admiration.
Yes. Feel free to message me!
I'd love to video chat again at some point, Elizabeth. You?
“I already know how I want my relationships to feel, because my life is an abundance of the kind of love that feels to me like genuine love.”
This was a really complicated text overall and was mostly perspective which was cool to read, but this bit i feel contradicts the rest, because it kind of says that if others know the love they want to feel, they continue to look for it, they’re love might not be ‘pure’ like the genuine love that you feel, this statement reflects the fact that everyone has their own genuine love, and that some people want more than others— they crave it, need it. And I think that shows why unhealthy love can be brewed. Many can agree what healthy and unhealthy love is but in the mind of the person wanting love no words can speak to them, seeing as they want love and not words— and their love has no words, not as in awed and speechless. But as in silent and destructive.
I know that I feel respect as love. I feel the absence of self-interest as love. I feel celebration and support of my agency and autonomy as love. I feel wholehearted acceptance as love. Among other qualities. I know these may not resonate with others, but they are essential for me to feel genuinely loved.
yes!! i agree with these in most scenarios and i think they’re important values, i think love is just so complicated as a thing and you can name hundreds— thousands of contradicting things that different people will say make them feel loved, and that contradiction is what makes love so hard to put a real definition to, so you just have to make your own, even if it’s contradictory at times, it’s your definition, and your interpretation of love as you feel it
We are in agreement on that!
I thought of another one that's important to me. I feel the genuine happiness of others with my happiness as love.
These are what I offer to others as love.
what we offer and what we give will always be a balance that’s unpaid— but unlike a debt it is not here to be collected, but moreso as a reminder that equality in emotion doesn’t reflect equality in congnizance
PS i love being poetic with others this is so nice
You're welcome to be poetic in my space anytime. xo
I love your interaction with my thoughts here! I want to understand your response better. Reading it through several times...
I have all the confidence in both you and the process, Elizabeth! You're in a really hard part of a hard journey! Keep fucking going!